It’s been two years since I posted a video of myself pulling cocaine out of a heckler’s coat, and I SWEAR I don’t want to be the comedian who only posts heckler videos. But sometimes the NYPD busts in while you’re on stage trying to make a late night submission video, arrests an audience member, then yells at you to, “Shut the fuck up!” And what are you supposed to do, not post it?
God: Hey Jews.
God: So listen, guys, I’m thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.
God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.
Jews: We don’t follow.
God: Okay, work with me here, guys….
Poor Samus. Cool attractive professional = MAGNET for creepos